February 25, 2017 - From Mom

My sweet son, Sam,                                                                               February 25, 2017

I’ve been missing our Pday conversations.  There is something kindof special about writing things out.  So I thought I’d take a few minutes to write you a letter about some of the thoughts I’ve had over these past few weeks since you’ve come home.  I hope you’ll reread this letter at different times.  I hope it will help you get through some of the challenges of life that will definitely come at times throughout your life.

This has not been easy on you.  I know how much you desired to meet the goals you set for yourself when you went back to Guatemala.  These past few years have been tough.  And yet, if all those hard times got you to this point in your life, where you are a changed young man, I guess I’d not change a thing.  I believe the trials we face are for our benefit. I can see you are more committed to the gospel, truly converted, and the love you have for your Savior is evident.  You are more patient, more loving and kind, more compassionate.  You have learned leadership and found confidence in who you are.  You are a disciple of Christ and try to live your life worthy of Him and the blessings He gives you.  And all of this you did in the face of tremendous hard ship.  Some of the trials you have faced, you have brought on yourself while others just seem to pile on top of the others due to no fault of your own. The life of Christ was full of trials and hardships.  It isn’t coincidental that the word that is used for Christ’s experience in Gethsemane is “agony.” Elder Holland says if we say we’re disciples of Christ, we will on occasion be in agony.  We must walk where He walked.  

It is at those moments of agony in your life, you need to ask yourself, “How much does the gospel of Jesus Christ really mean to me?” It is easy to love the Lord when everything is going great in your life.  But the true test comes when we love the Lord even when He is silent in our lives and when we feel He isn’t giving us the answers and results that we want.  I think the Lord uses trials to see who really loves Him and who can be loyal to Him regardless of the heartache and struggle.  And I know that the only way we can overcome our afflictions is through reliance on the Savior.  I love these words from the sacrament hymn:

We may not know, we cannot tell,

What pains he had to bear.

But we believe it was for us,

He hung and suffered there.

I read a great article recently about Michael McLean who is a Mormon songwriter.  He was going through a crisis of faith as his son came out as a gay man.  His son’s pain was so deep, he even considered suicide. Michael struggled with his faith in a gospel that could not embrace his son’s decisions and actions.  He prayed and wrestled with this conflict. And yet he felt silence from the Lord.  Abandoned.  After years of this struggle, he had some amazing blessings that helped him to understand the Lord had been there all along and was giving him the personal answers and help that were just for him.  He knew that the Lord loved him and did not abandon him.  But one of the greatest epiphanies he had came from a memory of his deceased father.  He wrote this:

“My father suffered from Alzheimer’s, so when he was asked to give a 17-minute talk at an Easter sacrament meeting, I was nervous he would go a little bit off track. In fact, I stood close by so I could come up and rescue him,” McLean recalls. “Every scripture, every reference, was about God the Father’s greatness, wisdom, and intelligence. And I was getting embarrassed because it was Easter Sunday, and he wasn’t talking about Jesus.”

But then, with two minutes left, McLean’s father surprised him by posing a series of profound questions. “My father said, ‘Isn’t it interesting that the Greatest Intelligence in the Universe abandoned His Son at the most pivotal moment in His plan? Could it be that it was at this moment that the Greatest Intelligence of All bore witness to the universe that He had put His faith in Jesus? That He knew Jesus would choose Him no matter what? And could it be that when you think He has abandoned you that He is actually saying, ‘I have faith you will choose me even when I’m not there’?”

When you feel alone, you are not.  The Savior descended below all men so that He would know how to succor you. No matter the trial, He has felt your pain.

Where, when my aching grows,

Where, when I languish,

Where, in my need to know, where can I run?

Where is the quiet hand to calm my anguish?

Who, who can understand? He, only one.

You were once in the holy presence of your Father in Heaven and Savior before this life.  They have designed a special plan for you.  And because there is a plan, there are no coincidences.  Many times following His plan for you requires patience in the midst of heartache.  I can see you are there now.  I read about someone’s experience with a difficult trial and she expressed how she was proud to say she was being patient, waiting for resolution to her problems.  Then she said, “Then one day it hit me.  He’s the patient one.  He's waiting on me, not the other way around.  His plan is so much bigger than mine.  He’s willing to give me so much more than what I need and more than what I ever thought I wanted. But He can’t.  I’ve given Him no space. I can’t receive until I let go. I need to move on from what I wanted and embrace all He has given me and still has in store… As soon as I can release my will, I can be filled up with His. He is gracious and merciful and so much more patient than I will ever be. His plan is infinitely better than mine, it always is and always will be.” I believe that with all my heart about your mission.  I know that the Lord will bless you beyond what you thought you could receive if you are willing to open your heart and life to Him and His plan for you.

When you decided to return to Guatemala after you finally had your life back, it was inspiring to me!  I know that was tremendously hard but I believe it made all the difference.  And as I told you before, I know injuring your knee and coming home early again was not what you wanted because you had not finished your plan, but I believe the Lord is telling you that your mission is completed with Him.  You taught, walked, obeyed, struggled, prayed, baptized, led, followed, cried, laughed, loved and sweat through the past 2 ½ years. Your work is finished to Him.  What a wonderful way to see it.  Your offering was not what you planned, but perfect to Him.

As you move on to your next chapter in your life, I hope that these lessons and this commitment to the Lord will only grow and increase in your life.  I hope you have found meaning in striving for an excellent life. You have learned how to be an obedient missionary and have seen tremendous blessings from it.  Now I want you to think about what it looks like to be an obedient man and son of God.  Decide now that you will not cut corners in your life and pick and choose what you will obey and what you won’t.  You trusted the Lord completely on your mission and obeyed all the rules.  Now you need to do the same again.  Make promises to yourself and to the Lord and keep those promises no matter what.  For example, make meaningful prayer and scripture study a part of EVERY day of your life.  Don’t go to bed without doing that.  Keep that promise.  Value women and protect the virtue of yourself and young women you date by remembering how the Lord requires it.  Don’t cross that line and put a crack in your armor that Satan is hoping you to make.  I believe your testimony and conversion are incredibly strong, but as you know, bad decisions can become bad habits pretty quickly if you are not constantly on guard. These are just a couple of things, but I hope you will give it some real thought and make promises and keep them.

You are a son to be proud of, Sam.  And I am extremely proud of you.  You are my hero.

I love you.

mom

February 1, 2017 - From Mom

Hello my son. I don't know if you will see this but I want you to know that we have fasted and prayed non stop since I spoke with you yesterday. My heart aches for you because I know this isn't what your mission plan was. I pray that your knee pain is eased and that your spirit is uplifted. I'm praying for complete healing of your body.

My son, I do not know the outcome of what will happen today at the doctors. We are praying for a miracle. But even as we pray for a miracle, I ask the lord that whatever happens, it will be His will. I do this because I trust Him. I have faith in Him and know that He loves you and your determination to serve Him. I was reminded of this scripture this morning:

And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose.
Romans 8:28

I love you so very much. You are my hero young man. Thank you for being such an inspiration to me.

Be strong and if good courage. All will be well.

Xoxoxo
Mom

Last post...

Howdy kids! 

Well another one down in the Guat. This transfer is coming to an end as well next week. Its been an awesome time with Elder Larsen. We get along great together and teach really well together. I have a pretty good feeling that either him or I will have changes this week which would be tough, but Im kinda just expecting it. 

This week we were working a lot with less active member families. Something that I honestly havent done a lot of in my mission. We´ve always seemed to be focused on investigators just because of the amount of less actives here and I havent had much success in the past with reactivating. But we started working with our ward and theyve been giving us names of families they think really want to and are ready to come back to church and its been incredible. 

We got to work with 4 families in particular this week, and all 4 were in church on sunday! It was truly such a blessing to look and see all those families with smiling faces in church. 

I didnt have a ton of time this week so my letter is short, but I love all yall and hope you all have a great week!

Love,

Elder Gurksnis

January 29, 2017 - From Mom

Hello my sweet son! 

How has your week been?  I imagine you are getting close to changes again.  This seems like it was a fast transfer.  Do you have any feelings as to what will happen?  Are you and Elder Larsen still getting along?  Can you share with me something you've learned from Elder Larsen?

How have your lessons gone this week?  Any people that you are helping to reactivate?  This area has been a little tough to teach, right?

We had the missionaries for dinner this week.  We have two really good ones right now.  They think Dad is the funniest person ever.  I love having them in our home and taking care of them.  It makes me feel closer to you:) 

Well next week I'll be writing you from Hawaii!!!  I'm getting really excited although I don't like flying in a plane across the ocean without my family!  But I'm sure its going to be a fantastic week.  I'll have a great tan and some pictures to share with you.  We are going to the island of Kauai which I believe is pretty quiet and remote.  I'm looking forward to some good hiking... like 1-2 mile long hikes... not like the ones Gray wants us to go on that are like 7 miles each way!  There is an area we will be right next to called the Napoli coast that looks gorgeous.  Big cliffs next to the ocean. You can only see it from the ocean or by a long hike.  So I think we'll go by boat. LOL

Ama is doing better.  She is about 2 1/2 weeks from her surgery and the pain is becoming more manageable.  It has been pretty tough on her but I think she is at the point where she will start feeling much better now. 

A friend of mine from college had a horrible tragedy this week.  His name is Sam Arnett and he is from Mesa.  I don't know if you know any Arnetts from Mesa but there are a ton of them.  My cousin Erin married Fred Arnett that is Sam Arnett's nephew.  Anyway, he came home from work and found his house on fire.  His wife and youngest son were trapped and died in the fire.  The youngest son is 12 and severely autistic (can't really speak) and has become fascinated with fire.  The fire investigators believe he lit some towels on fire and the whole house went up in flames in a few minutes.  The mom was trying to rescue the son and became trapped too.  It is truly awful.  He was renting the house and didn't have life insurance or renters insurance either so he has lost all of his possessions too.  It has been amazing to watch his community and his ward rally around him and his other kids.  About $150,000 has been raised already to help him pay for funerals and rebuild his life.  I can't imagine him waking up each morning and how he must feel, but I am incredibly grateful for the plan of happiness and eternal families.  It is the only hope that can make his pain bearable right now.

I mentioned to you last week that you are a man in every sense of the word.  I was studying something this weekend and that came up so I wanted to share it with you.  I was reading D&C 121:45  "Let thy bowels also be full of charity towards all men, and to the household of faith, and let virtue garnish thy thoughts unceasingly; then shall thy confidence wax strong in the presence of God; and the doctrine of the priesthood shall distil upon thy soul as the dews from heaven."  The context of this scripture is (talking a few verses earlier) about how many are called but few are chosen.  And why are they not chosen?  Because they don't do the two things mentioned in v.45.  1. Let your bowels be full of charity and 2. let virtue garnish your thoughts UNCEASINGLY.  The root word for virtue comes from virtus (meaning moral strength and courage like in battle or war) and it also is a root for the same word as "man."  In other words, be a man of the most high moral strength. That is the sign of a real man. It is also interesting that the word is tied to war and battle.  I believe we are in a fierce battle with Satan and in order to defeat him, we need people of the highest moral strength.  Hope this makes a little sense.  I just like the way it focuses on the need for noble men of virtue. 

Do you want me to keep sending you conference talks?

You should be getting your package this week.  They are delivering on February 2nd I think.  Were you able to get some letters or any items you want to send back home?  They need to be there before the 2nd.

I have emailed and texted Cliff Carter and he has not responded to me.  So I'm not sure what to do next about him.  I will call Lanai today and just see if I can get you a contract and what that procedure is.  Is there any other complex you want me to look into? We will get it figured out.  Don't worry about this, ok?

I love you young man!  Have an amazing week.  And remember that your family loves you so very much and prays for you every day many times!  Infinity + Infinity!

oxoxoxo

mom

January 23, 2017 - From Sam

hey mom! I freaked out at the Rudy story that is sooo cool!!! Awesome. What a humble and incredible guy. Hes gonna be a blessed and excellent member of the church. Incredible.

We were asked about 20 times a day what we thought of Trump this week. Its pretty funny how worked up Latinos get and some of the ignorance. I heard a couple people arguing saying that he literally said in a speach he doesnt like latinos because of the color of their skin. haha oh well. We cant talk about it here but its annoying haha Yeah i think hes going to help the economy a ton and stuff, hes just gonna say a lot of stupid stuff. But yeah thats a dumb thing to argue about.

Thats way cool that youre going to Hawaii though! Have you ever been? No right??

But yeah Im constantly thinking about things i can do at home to keep up my spiritual growth. I still stress a lot about what im going to do with my life. I think God is basically gonna tell me to study it out for myself and make a decision and Ill be blessed in the end. 

Yeah you can read my letters thats fine with me! 

Our week was alright. A lot of walking and our appointments seem to keep falling through with our important people. But we still had a lot of blessings. 

Im using my old left contact and my new right one. But when I get the new contacts ill probably put these away for a back up pair. 

Just a few things real quick... 

1. Im starting to get stressed about living at BYU. Could you try to talk to Sydney about getting me a spot at Lanai? Im sure thats where I want to live. If i could just take Cliffs spot thatd be great. Syd could talk to the lady hopefully. I also have a friend Kate Johnson thats awesome and im gonna have her call or text you this week. But yeah just try to figure out the info about living at Lanai. I just dont know when it starts and i dont wanna lose out on a spot.

2. Send Lawrys in my package if you can! They dont sell any flavors here for veggies!! Its ridiculous. 

3. Just something that happened this week was Elder Larsen told me when they were picking the new assistant to take his place I was mentioned as one of the four, but that President said if I stayed he would put me as the head assistant to be their whenever he leaves and the new mission president comes in to help him get settled into everything. That really kinda sucked hearing that because yeah I think being assistant would be cool. It would help me grow more and everything and itd be fun. But he knows already apparently that im going to prob leave in July. I have my interview with him in like 2 weeks ish and im gonna talk to him about it. Like if I stay one more change and just come home 2 weeks early from that change like all the gringos will do to go home for school if that would change anything, but i doubt it cause he needs someone to stay long to help the new mission pres. Oh well.

January 22, 2017 - From Mom

Good morning my amazing son!

So much in the news this week!  Are you ready???

First the really cool news.  Of course you remember the movie Rudy, right?  The real life Rudy was baptized this weekend.  Isn't that cool!  A guy with such character would of course be drawn to the gospel of Jesus Christ.  I'm sending you a separate email with a picture of him that was posted on facebook.

The other great news is the inauguration of President Trump was on Friday.  It was a nice day and at the national prayer meeting on Saturday, they had about 20 spiritual leaders in the country pray one at a time and included in that group was Elder Christofferson.  Trumps talk was pretty good.  However, the bad part is on Saturday there were Women protests all across the country.  Hundreds of thousands of women protesting in the most obnoxious way.  I'm not sure what their message is entirely.  I think primarily they are pro abortion right messages. The interesting thing is that Trump has never said anything about taking away abortion rights, so I'm not sure why that is their message as they protest Trump.  The country is incredibly divided.  I hope Trump can rise to the occasion and be a conduit of positive change in our country.  I think he has the skills to do it.  However, his temperament always gets the attention and overshadows the positive that he can do. For example, he has been working with Car industry leaders to help them keep their auto production here in the US rather than sending it overseas.  It's estimated that he has already saved thousands of jobs here and billions of revenue that will stay in the US.  However, at his very first press conference his press secretary comes out angry about how the press has falsely reported how few people came out to the inauguration. Such a petty thing to argue about in his very first press conference when he could have had a more positive message.  Anyway... only time will tell now.  I'm hoping he will do great things for our country and people will look past their prejudice of him and see the good. 

We've had a quiet week.  Dad and I worked around the house this weekend on lots of little projects that needed to get done.  I'm getting ready for a girls trip to Hawaii in 2 weeks!!!!  I'm so excited!  Kellie, Monica, Angel and I are going from Feb 4-11. It's gonna be incredible.  I'm sad to not be going with dad but we couldn't work out the timing so that all the husbands could go... I'll take lots of pictures for you:)

I had an interesting experience in seminary this week.  I asked each student to write down questions they have about the gospel (anonymously) on an index card.  I told them that together we would try to find answers.  As I read them later, I was surprised by how many of them struggle to feel the spirit of the presence of God and the Savior in their lives.  I've been doing a lot of praying about it so that I can help these kids feel their Savior's love in their lives and His guidance. 

I've thought a lot about how much effort we put into our relationship with our Heavenly Father and the Lord.  If being a disciple of Christ is our priority, then our time and effort should reflect that.  This will be something for you to think about when you prepare to come home.  How will you continue to grow and keep the spirit once you are not a full time missionary anymore?  How will you keep this tremendous growth you've experienced and add to it instead of allowing it to dwindle away?  In my praying about it, I've thought about how much Satan loves our phones.  For youth especially, they are such a distraction and a time suck. There is never a time that someone can be quiet and thoughtful.  If they are bored for one second they grab their phone and fill that time with numbing social media or worse.  We should have quiet, pondering time each day when we are still enough to feel the spirit.  How can the spirit influence us if we never are still and quiet? 

I'd love your advice and thoughts on this!

One other thing... We are studying the book of Acts this month which is really a book about missionary work, so I plan on reading many of your letters to my class:)  Hope you're ok with that.

How was your week my boy?  How is your back?  What did you end up doing about your contacts?  I'm waiting for your new contacts to arrive.  If they get in by Friday this week, I should be able to get them to you in the February 5th shipment. 

How are you and Elder Larsen doing?  Tell me about the work you are doing.  A scripture that I read this week that I really love... Jacob 4:6.  To me it gives me hope and faith to endure the tough times.  Whenever you feel like you are having a difficult time, have faith and hope in your Savior, in the gospel, in truth and in your family's love for you. 

You are always in my thoughts and prayers.  We love you so very much!  Thank you for your amazing example to your brother and sister and to us.  So many people have been touched and influenced by your example.  I'm the most happy mom to have you for my son!  I love you infinity + infinity.

Mom

xoxoxox

P.S.  Here are a few talks for you to listen to.  I found a few on the atonement that should help in your study of that subject as your mission focuses on it. The second one is about the atonement and the value of one soul.  I thought it would go well with your focus on "the one."

January 16, 2017 - From Sam

hey mom :)

I had a good week! The work is going well, ive just been kinda homesick mainly because of the cowboys and i really wanted to watch the game but oh well. Kinda glad they lost ish just because i wouldnt survive here if they went to the superbowl without me home.

I will get some stuff together to try to send in the package! 

I did meet jesse and saw him quite a few times! Hes a great guy. His roommates are solid too. He was at the family dinner as well.

I think Id be ok with that family reunion. Itd be really fun i think! Itd be kindaaaa weird not being able to chill for a sec haha but yes I think thatd be fun as long as we can try to plan to spend more time together just us five and not be around the millers and albrights and waltons the whole time. Like id want it to be us 5 and the brands the majority of the time, just because the millers are just weird to me now and i havent seen the albrights in forever. haha I dont want us to miss out on our fam reunion though so im good with that. Just what location?

My back is good. I havent had a blessing yet, ill ask one from my companion as well. Its not really bugging me anymore, but i know i need to take care of it. I put a goal this week to do just 15 minutes of exercises and stretches each morning this next week so that should help. Thank you for that insight though i know its true!

Me and E Larsen are really just trying to do what president taught us. President changed the mission goal just recently and called it ¨One by One¨ because of the verse in the BoM when Jesus comes and blesses the children one by one. The point is to try and bless one person of each of the key indicators we have as missionaries. One lesson with member present, one lesson to recent convert or less active, one lesson to an active member, one reference received, one contacted, etc. Its an awesome goal.  E Larsen said when he was assistant president and them were meeting for weeks about trying to change the mission goal and for prob 2 months they couldnt figure anything out. The day we had zone leader council he presented this goal. It was just revelation he literally received that day when he woke up and its pretty incredible. Its working so well.

I remember that talk by e Bednar vividly because i wrote so many notes on it! I loved it. Send that link of that talk in youtube!

I love you so much mom! Youre my hero always. Thank you for everything you do for me :)