My sweet son, Sam, February
25, 2017
I’ve been missing our Pday conversations. There is something kindof special about
writing things out. So I thought I’d
take a few minutes to write you a letter about some of the thoughts I’ve had
over these past few weeks since you’ve come home. I hope you’ll reread this letter at different
times. I hope it will help you get
through some of the challenges of life that will definitely come at times
throughout your life.
This has not been easy on you. I know how much you desired to meet the goals
you set for yourself when you went back to Guatemala. These past few years have been tough. And yet, if all those hard times got you to
this point in your life, where you are a changed young man, I guess I’d not
change a thing. I believe the trials we
face are for our benefit. I can see you are more committed to the gospel, truly
converted, and the love you have for your Savior is evident. You are more patient, more loving and kind,
more compassionate. You have learned
leadership and found confidence in who you are.
You are a disciple of Christ and try to live your life worthy of Him and
the blessings He gives you. And all of
this you did in the face of tremendous hard ship. Some of the trials you have faced, you have
brought on yourself while others just seem to pile on top of the others due to
no fault of your own. The life of Christ was full of trials and hardships. It isn’t coincidental that the word that is
used for Christ’s experience in Gethsemane is “agony.” Elder Holland says if we
say we’re disciples of Christ, we will on occasion be in agony. We must walk where He walked.
It is at those moments of agony in your life, you need to
ask yourself, “How much does the gospel of Jesus Christ really mean to me?” It
is easy to love the Lord when everything is going great in your life. But the true test comes when we love the Lord
even when He is silent in our lives and when we feel He isn’t giving us the
answers and results that we want. I
think the Lord uses trials to see who really loves Him and who can be loyal to
Him regardless of the heartache and struggle.
And I know that the only way we can overcome our afflictions is through
reliance on the Savior. I love these
words from the sacrament hymn:
We
may not know, we cannot tell,
What
pains he had to bear.
But
we believe it was for us,
He
hung and suffered there.
I read a great article recently about Michael McLean who is
a Mormon songwriter. He was going
through a crisis of faith as his son came out as a gay man. His son’s pain was so deep, he even
considered suicide. Michael struggled with his faith in a gospel that could not
embrace his son’s decisions and actions.
He prayed and wrestled with this conflict. And yet he felt silence from
the Lord. Abandoned. After years of this struggle, he had some
amazing blessings that helped him to understand the Lord had been there all
along and was giving him the personal answers and help that were just for
him. He knew that the Lord loved him and
did not abandon him. But one of the
greatest epiphanies he had came from a memory of his deceased father. He wrote this:
“My father
suffered from Alzheimer’s, so when he was asked to give a 17-minute talk at an
Easter sacrament meeting, I was nervous he would go a little bit off track. In
fact, I stood close by so I could come up and rescue him,” McLean recalls.
“Every scripture, every reference, was about God the Father’s greatness,
wisdom, and intelligence. And I was getting embarrassed because it was Easter
Sunday, and he wasn’t talking about Jesus.”
But then, with
two minutes left, McLean’s father surprised him by posing a series of profound
questions. “My father said, ‘Isn’t it interesting that the Greatest
Intelligence in the Universe abandoned His Son at the most pivotal moment in
His plan? Could it be that it was at this moment that the Greatest Intelligence
of All bore witness to the universe that He had put His faith in Jesus? That He
knew Jesus would choose Him no matter what? And could it be that when you think
He has abandoned you that He is actually saying, ‘I have faith you will choose
me even when I’m not there’?”
When you feel alone, you are not. The Savior descended below all men so that He
would know how to succor you. No matter the trial, He has felt your pain.
Where,
when my aching grows,
Where,
when I languish,
Where,
in my need to know, where can I run?
Where
is the quiet hand to calm my anguish?
Who,
who can understand? He, only one.
You were once in the holy presence of your Father in Heaven
and Savior before this life. They have
designed a special plan for you. And
because there is a plan, there are no coincidences. Many times following His plan for you
requires patience in the midst of heartache.
I can see you are there now. I
read about someone’s experience with a difficult trial and she expressed how
she was proud to say she was being patient, waiting for resolution to her
problems. Then she said, “Then one day
it hit me. He’s the patient one. He's waiting on me, not the other way
around. His plan is so much bigger than
mine. He’s willing to give me so much
more than what I need and more than what I ever thought I wanted. But He
can’t. I’ve given Him no space. I can’t
receive until I let go. I need to move on from what I wanted and embrace all He
has given me and still has in store… As soon as I can release my will, I can be
filled up with His. He is gracious and merciful and so much more patient than I
will ever be. His plan is infinitely better than mine, it always is and always
will be.” I believe that with all my heart about your mission. I know that the Lord will bless you beyond
what you thought you could receive if you are willing to open your heart and
life to Him and His plan for you.
When you decided to return to Guatemala after you finally
had your life back, it was inspiring to me!
I know that was tremendously hard but I believe it made all the
difference. And as I told you before, I
know injuring your knee and coming home early again was not what you wanted
because you had not finished your plan, but I believe the Lord is telling you
that your mission is completed with Him.
You taught, walked, obeyed, struggled, prayed, baptized, led, followed,
cried, laughed, loved and sweat through the past 2 ½ years. Your work is
finished to Him. What a wonderful way to
see it. Your offering was not what you
planned, but perfect to Him.
As you move on to your next chapter in your life, I hope
that these lessons and this commitment to the Lord will only grow and increase
in your life. I hope you have found
meaning in striving for an excellent life. You have learned how to be an
obedient missionary and have seen tremendous blessings from it. Now I want you to think about what it looks
like to be an obedient man and son of God.
Decide now that you will not cut corners in your life and pick and
choose what you will obey and what you won’t.
You trusted the Lord completely on your mission and obeyed all the
rules. Now you need to do the same again. Make promises to yourself and to the Lord and
keep those promises no matter what. For
example, make meaningful prayer and scripture study a part of EVERY day of your
life. Don’t go to bed without doing
that. Keep that promise. Value women and protect the virtue of
yourself and young women you date by remembering how the Lord requires it. Don’t cross that line and put a crack in your
armor that Satan is hoping you to make.
I believe your testimony and conversion are incredibly strong, but as
you know, bad decisions can become bad habits pretty quickly if you are not
constantly on guard. These are just a couple of things, but I hope you will
give it some real thought and make promises and keep them.
You are a son to be proud of, Sam. And I am extremely proud of you. You are my hero.
I love you.
mom
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