April 6, 2015 from Sam

hey mom!  Alright well I only have about an hour so ill just get right to it... So i talked to President Crapo last Tuesday.  It was about some stuff I hadnt cleared up with Bishop Scholl or anyone before.  It had happened a long time ago almost two years, but I knew because I had to wait until April to get my papers in, if i had told him about the other thing i wouldve had to wait like 5 months longer so I never said anything and just thought time would heal it all.  So I decided to talk to President Crapo about it on Tuesdaybecause i wanted to make sure i was 100% clean and worthy.  I didnt think I would go home for it really when i told him, but he said theres a good possibility I could.  Its not his decision and I should get an answer today from the general authorities in charge of the mission department.  I was scared to tell him at first because I knew there was a small chance I could go home and i was scared of the embarrasment just because of what happened with BYU and every other consequence ive paid for the stupid decisions in my life.  But I read a talk by the area seventy Elder Alonzo to missionaries about a year ago. He said, you should fear more not being able to enter the kingdom of God more than you should fear man.  I also studied fearing God in the scriptures and read the story in DandC about Oliver Cowdery when he lost the pages and how God was upset with Joseph because he had feared man more than God.  So I decided to talk to President.

I know this may seem like Im just writing somewhat unemotionally, but its been a long week of waiting and now Im absolutely content with my decision I made to talk with him and I know i did the right thing.  I dont know yet if Im going home, but Ive set a ton of goals for if I do what I need to do to actually prepare this time for a mission.  I want you to know Im 100% confident in my ability to come back and do it right.  I know youre probably very sad reading this, but I want to serve my 2 years 100% worthily and I have plenty of things to do in the work if I do come home and a lot of things I can do to better prepare myself for the last 17 months of my mission.  Im not scared and do not care what anyone thinks except for Heavenly Father.  So do not be sad.  Have faith and I will too to be able to do things right.  I love you with all my heart